Thanks to El Monstrito@Flickr
I’ve been feeling like a fish pulled out of the sea and dumped on to strange land. Since the Uruguayans arrived Spanish has been the main language in the apartment. Everyone has been speaking Spanish, including the long-term French couchsurfer Lison, and another French couchsurfer and her English friend who were here last week. They all speak Spanish which is fine, I understand that, but I don’t. I know enough to say that I do or don’t like something, or order food in a restaurant, and make myself understood in day-to-day life. But I can’t hold a conversation and I am unable to pick up on a thread of what they are saying so I can at least try and figure out the topic.
As a result, I have been feeling quite frozen out and quite lonely despite being in a room of people. It’s also quite isolating when there is a group of people conversing and laughing and having a good time and I am on the sidelines, not having a clue as to what is going on. I am loving learning Spanish and study whenever I have the chance but I am not at a level where I can include myself in a conversation and everyone is so in the swing of things that no one has stopped to translate into English what anyone is saying so I know what is going on.
It happened last weekend when plans were being discussed and made that included Katie and I and I had to stop everyone and say that I don’t speak Spanish so could they please at least let me know what they had in mind for us. And it was a cold feeling to have to sit through a meal in silence while everyone around you are highly enjoying themselves such as what happened last Sunday. At one point I wondered if they even noticed Katie and I were in the room.
When I was in Spain in 2002 I did a four-week intensive Spanish course that used the immersion method. Four weeks was enough for me to know that that particular form of learning does not suit me at all. The course just ran in the mornings, and I was left feeling exhausted, frustrated and with a headache in the afternoons. I am ok if I have an inkling of what is being spoken about, but the past few days I have found myself just zoning out and just letting the noise surround me like I did when I was doing the Spanish course because I really just don’t have a clue what is being discussed.
It wasn’t been a bad week for me, but it was a lonely week in some respects and as I have been feeling very shut out I have been reacting to things that wouldn’t normally bother me.
Ana, my landlady, came home in the early hours a few times after partying with the Uruguayans, waking Katie and I up, and tiredness, loneliness and frustration do not make a good mix so things have been strained in the apartment. Although they improved after a few days.
On the other hand, it has motivated me even more to learn Spanish, but sometimes I have just hoped that some people would have more awareness and consideration of others. I have felt that Katie has been more included in things in her summer camp where no one speaks a shared language, than I have in a room where most people speak at least basic English. I would love to have the opportunity to practice my Spanish but I haven’t even been given that. None of it is done out of spite or to even be unfriendly, I think it is just a lack of awareness, but I must admit to feeling pissed off at times.
It is so frustrating as they are all really nice people, I just wish I could communicate with them.
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Tags: Learning Spanish, Mexico City, socialization
