How Being a Good House Guest Also Applies to Couchsurfing

Couchsurfing Meet in Kota Kinabalu, Borneo. This is one of my favourite photos of the entire trip.

I found a great new blog today run by an American ex-pat who has been living in the UK for the past nineteen years. Michelle is running a series about How to Learn to Love the Host Culture and in the ninth article she talks about how to be a good guest. It is one of the most comprehensive guides I have come across, even more comprehensive than the guide I have read on Couchsurfing’s own site. The blog and article is aimed at ex-pats but it can be applied when couchsurfing too.

Reading the article I recognised mistakes I had made, not major ones, but enough to prevent me from being the kind of guest I would like to be. There was one occasion when I was a guest, it wasn’t arranged through couchsurfing, where through misunderstandings and lack of communication I think I inadvertently turned into the guest from hell, but it was a lesson and I will make sure to be much more aware in future.

Read the article here, but below I have added my own two cents worth and have looked at it from a couchsurfing angle

The first tip is to give your hosts their own space. The average time frame in couchsurfing is a maximum of three nights so you don’t turn into the type of guest Benjamin Franklin was talking about when he said: Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.

Three nights isn’t enough to become overwhelming for your host, however if your host has been working during the day they will probably just need five minutes to sit down and catch their breath before you voice your plans of dragging them round on a whirlwind tour of their local town. In the mornings, be courteous enough to allow your host to use the bathroom first, especially if it is a work day for them. Whenever I couchsurf I try to fit in with my hosts as much as possible and try to blend in, almost like part of the furniture, rather than being a proverbial bull in a china shop.

Secondly, tell your hosts about any special requirements you have. If you are severely allergic to any household pets, before you arrive and while you are still in the early stages of planning accommodation with a host, ask if they have any cats, dogs, or anything else you are allergic to.

The first time I hosted I was so excited, I had been hosted several times before and couldn’t wait to pass the hospitality on. My first guests were a Swedish mum and her two kids. It was while we were in New York and were subletting an apartment. I planned a fun evening with hot dogs and then a movie with pop corn. I bought all the food and then when my guests arrived the mum followed me into the kitchen and told me she was vegetarian. It was an embarrassing moment for both of us. I felt bad about buying meat and she felt bad because I had gone to all the trouble of planning and cooking dinner and she couldn’t eat it. She said her kids eat meat and they would be happy to eat the hot dogs and I found a can of vegetable and chickpea curry that I warmed up for her. The movie was a non starter because they arrived late and were jetlagged and had an early morning flight the following day. On the whole though it was a good experience and we exchanged positive references on each others couchsurfing profiles, but with better communication, and more consideration on my part that they would be too jetlagged to sit through a movie, it could have been even better.

The third thing Michelle mentions is to bring a gift, never arrive empty handed. This not really a requirement, but a strong suggestion in the couchsurfing world and is heavily mentioned in the guidelines on the couchsurfing website. In some cultures it is a requirement though, arriving with no gift for your host is seen as highly rude and is enough to ruin your entire stay in your hosts house.

Fourthly, help with the cooking. When you couchsurf your hosts are never expected to provide food for you, but some do, and as a courtesy offer to help. It will also be a bonding experience and a good chance for you to learn about different cuisines and cooking styles. As a guest it is also a really nice gesture to offer to cook for your host and they would probably really enjoy eating a meal from your home country.

The fifth tip is that different homes may have different rules and routines. This is definitely true if you are being hosted in a country with a much different culture to your own. In the article it says that your hosts may appreciate a suggestion. I disagree with this and would never stay in someones’ home and suggest they do things differently, nor would I appreciate it being done to me.

The next tip is to decide what you want out of the trip and discuss this with your hosts. This is a good one, communicate with your hosts before you arrive or when you first arrive so everyone is singing off the same hymn sheet. However, be open minded, sure you’ve read the guidebook and have an idea of things you would like to see, but remember your host is local to the area and will have a good idea of great places to go that will give you a unique insight to the place you are staying in. Your hosts may be really excited about having a guest to show where they live, let them and be gracious, you will gain a lot more insight by being with a local than you ever would through reading a guidebook.

Tip number seven is to pay your own way. This is really important, especially when couchsurfing. The scheme has received a lot of press recently about being a free or cheap way to travel the world and as a result it has gained a lot of freeloaders and once enthusiastic hosts are getting jaded. Couchsurfing is NOT a way of sleeping, eating and travelling for free at your hosts expense but it is a great cultural exchange. It is a fantastic way of meeting people and having unique experiences that you just wouldn’t have by staying in a hostel or guesthouse.

Support your host’s lifestyle is the next tip, this article was written with ex-pats in mind and I don’t see that this rule applies very much when couchsurfing. But I would say respect your host, respect their home, their culture and their way of doing things.

Another tip is to respect their household routine. If they work and have no keys to give you, leave when they do and return when they do. If they go to bed early don’t stay out late and stick to whatever arrangements and agreements you have made with them. They are your hosts, but they are not your parents, nannies, personal concierge or anything similar. If you are sleeping in a communal space, tidy up after yourself in the mornings and pack your things away discreetly so the room looks as normal as possible. Don’t leave your toiletries scattered all over the bathroom and rinse out the sink, shower and bath after you have used it. NEVER leave hair ANYWHERE! If they have already made plans that don’t include you, don’t get annoyed if they can’t take you somewhere you want to go.

The final tip is to use good manners when staying in someones’ home. Tidy up after yourself, don’t use all the hot water, don’t hog the bathroom, offer to help your hosts with dinner and tidy up afterwards. Listen to what they say and respect their views. Don’t impose your own opinions, if my host takes me out for a drink I always offer to buy the first round and never expect my hosts to pay for anything for me or expect them to chauffeur me around. Couchsurfing is a cultural exchange, get to know your hosts and don’t stay out all the time just using their home as a free place to sleep.

I would love to hear other peoples ideas, is there anything you can add? Or is there something you disagree with?

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Tags: couchsurfing, Experiences, travel, travel tips